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BestRewardAnavalofficerfelloverboard.Hewasrescuedbyadeckhand.Theofficeraskedhowhecouldrewardhim."Thebestway,sir,"saidthedeckhand,"istosaynothingabouti...
GoodNewsAndBadNews"There'sgoodnewsandbadnews,"thedivorcelawyertoldhisclient."Icouldsureusesomegoodnews,"sighedtheclient."What'sit?""Yourwifeisn'tdeman...
PerfectMatchAwealthymatronissoproudofavaluableantiquevasethatshedecidestohaveherbedroompaintedthesamecolorasthevase.Severalpainterstrytomatchtheshade,...
PatienceAngler:You'vebeenwatchingmeforthreehoursnow.Whydon'tyoutryyourself?Onlooker:Ihaven'tgotthepatience.耐性  垂钓者:你已经盯着看了三个小时了,你干嘛不自己亲自钓呢?  旁观者:我没那耐性...
TheWorld'sGreatestSwordsmanAtanexhibitionoftheworld'sbestswordsman,thethird-placefencertookthestage.Aflywasreleased,andwithanarcofhisswordhecuttheflyi...
OnlyOnceAnoviceliontamerwasbeinginterviewed."Iunderstandyourfatherwasalsoaliontamer,"thereporterqueried."Yes,hewas,"themanreplied."Doyouactuallyputyou...
StarstruckIhavebeenstarstrucksinceIwasalittlegirl,soIwasdelightedandpracticallyspeechlessnotlongagowhenIspottedtheactorErnestBorgninewalkinginmydirect...
KeeptheChangeOneswelteringday,Iwasscoopingicecreamintoconesandtoldmyfourchildrentheycould"buy"aconefrommeforahug.Almostimmediately,thekidslineduptomak...
PersistanceReturningfromagolfouting,myhusbandwasgreetedatthedoorbySara,ourfour-year-olddaughter."Daddy,whowonthegolfgame?YouorUncleRichie?""UncleRichi...
ImitationAschoolboywenthomewithapaininhisstomach."Well,sitdownandeatyourtea,"saidhismother."Yourstomach'shurtingbecauseit'sempty.It'llbeallrightwhenyo...
BedtimePrayersJuliewassayingherbedtimeprayers."PleaseGod,"shesaid,"makeNaplesthecapitalofItaly.MakeNaplesthecapitalofItaly."Hermotherinterruptedandsai...
I'mGladASunday-schoolteacherwastellingherpupilstheimportanceofmakingothersglad."Now,children,"shesaid,"hasanyoneofyouevermadesomeoneelseglad?""Please,...
ITaughttheTeacherMotheraskedherlittleboy,"Darling,whatdidtheteacherteachyoutoday?""Nothing,Mum,"answeredthesonproundly,"instead,sheaskedmehowmuchonepl...
ABabySisterNurse:Don'tyoulikeyournewbabysister,Johnnie?Johnnie:She'sallright,butIwishshehadbeenaboy.WillieSmithhadgotanewsister,andnowhe'llthinkI'mtry...
ThingsHaveBeenOkayAyoungcouplewerebecominganxiousabouttheirfour-year-oldson,whohadnotyettalked.Theytookhimtospecialists,butthedoctorsfoundnothingwrong...
MillionaireCEO:"Mywifemadeamillionaireoutofme."Assistant:"Whatwereyoubefore?"CEO:"amultimillionaire."百万富翁  主管人:我妻子使我成为百万富翁。  助 手:以前你是什么?  主管人:千万富翁。
ATriptoDisneyOnatriptoDisneyWorldinFlorida,myhusbandandIadnourtwochildrendevotedourselveswholeheartedlytothewondersofthisattraction.Afterthreeexhausti...
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Twin Lobsters
TwinLobstersOnceIhadachievedsuccessasanentertainer,IwantedtoimpressmyMom.IbroughthertoLasVegasfordinneratCaesar'sPalace.Amongotheritems,themenulisted"...
AnOldCouple'sQuarrelAcoupleofcodgersgotintoaquarrelandcamebeforethelocalmagistrate.Theloser,turningtohisopponentinacombativeframeofmind,cried:"I'lllaw...
PrepareYourselfAstoryaroundcampushasittahtastudentoncesentatelegramtohisparentsreading:"Mom-flunkedallcourses.Kickedoutofschool.PreparePop."Twodayslat...
Keys?Kiss?AfriendofminewasgivinganEnglishlessontoaclassofadultwhohadrecentlycometoliveintheUnitedStates.Afterplacingquiteanumberofeverydayobjectsonata...
Part-timeJobWhenmysonwasahign-schoolsophomore,hegotapart-timejobsackinggroceriesatasupermarket.Hecamehomeallsmiles."Howwasyourfirstday?"Iasked."Itwasg...
FlunkingMathMyson,whomadethedean'slistinhisfreshmanyearatBallStateUniversityinMuncie,Ind.,calledhomeafewweeksafterstartinghissophomoreyearasapsycholog...
Difference"Icanalwaystellagraduateclassfromanundergraduateclass,"observedtheinstructorinoneofmygraduateengineeringcoursesatCaliforniaStateUniversityin...
VirtueManyyearsafterreceivingmygraduatedegree,IreturnedtotheStateUniversityofNewYorkatBinghamtonasafacultymember.Onedayinacrowdedelevator,someoneremar...
PlagiarismAfriendofminewhoteachsEuropeanhistoryatWashingtonUniversityinSt.Louistellaboutthetimehespottedaplagiarizedtermpaper.Hesummonedthestudenttohi...
ClassandAssProfessorLaurieofGlasgowputhisnoticeonhisdoor:"ProfessorLauriewillnotmeethisclassestoday."Astudent,afterreadingthenotice,rubbedoutthe"c".La...
IDon'tKnowHerAcouplewalkingintheparknoticedayoungmanandwomansittingonabench,passionatelykissing."Whydon'tyoudothat?"saidthewife."Honey,"repliedherhusb...
TheSameServiceAmanwhohadbeenmarriedfortenyearswasconsultingamarriagecounselor."WhenIwasfirstmarried,Iwasveryhappy.I'dcomehomefromaharddaydownattheshop...
ADissoluteHusbandWhataworldofpathosinthis:Abarrenroom,illkemptchildren,awornoutpatientwife,adissolutehusband,andweak.“Mary,yououghttohavemarried...
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